A Redemptive Narrative
Life is a brief opportunity in which the universe and whatever may exist outside it is made manifold into individual humans. In that flicker of existence, we are burdened with the finitude of time, our mortality. The fear of death is perhaps the most warranted of all fears because, in some small sense, the possibility of eventually being forgotten in this world is real.
In this brief opportunity to exist, we strive to live it as fully as possible. At least, that is the drive we are born with. But from the very second we come into this world, we are met with the many difficulties that diminish that drive to live fully, some more than others, so it seems. To make matters worse, we make mistakes, violating the values we hold for living fully, and from time to time, our transgressions are the heaviest experiences that diminish our capacity to exist in a meaningful way. And we are either too hard on ourselves, or we take no responsibility. Both are devastating. And this happens over and again.
If we can somehow remember our conscience, we feel shame for our violations, and deep down, on an almost imperceptible level, we allow our spirit to dampen even more, often in the name of humility. We place ourselves one level below where we just were and continue with this progression until we find ourselves in Hell. Despair sets in until we feel Godforsaken, emptying us of grace and hope. All seems lost, and at best, we may hope to at least somehow do one thing the right way. At worst, we slowly succumb to the nihilism that awaits us but do so in the name of taking it on the chin.
If we are fortunate, if we have perhaps done some deed good enough to come back and favor us, if, when we think we can no longer hold on, we can happen to hear our spirit say to us, “Hold on,” if we can manage to simply stretch out our hand in this darkness, grace will find us, and love will grasp our hand, and we are at least stopped from sinking further in the empty abyss.
And in this rescue, we stand a chance to redeem ourselves. And through the shame, humility, and guilt, we find some bit of courage in us that reserved itself for the most difficult and dark times. We feel our way through the darkness of our existence, gradually finding our way to some opening, and the light of grace slowly begins to show itself.
In some sense, the worst is behind us, but the most difficult lies ahead, for our story of redemption has just begun. We are grateful for the opportunity to redeem ourselves yet, at the same time, skeptical that we will ever truly find ourselves in good graces with those with whom we’ve transgressed or with the world at large. But we have hope, and from that, the drive to live as fully as possible stirs, beginning her re-awakening.
So, we set our course as best we can, equipped only with a shaky knowledge of just the next few steps to take, to which, beyond that, our path disappears into the fog of the unknown. We move, one step at a time, securing our foot each step. And with each step, we grow a little more confident that maybe we really can do this. And as our confidence grows, so too does our excitement, which occasionally results in a misstep here and there. These moments bring us back to transgressions from which we aim to redeem ourselves, jolting us back onto the path.
We endure this journey longer than we anticipate, and the temptation to regress into despair shows its face from time to time. And each time, grace illuminates itself a little more, and we press on. It is grueling and painful, up and down, and exhausting. And the process of redemption brings the hope of glory over the horizon and into view. The light inside us then glows brighter and brighter, making anew the energy for life we once possessed with what we thought was an indomitable vigor.
When we are ready, the moment of truth arrives, and now we must make the conscious decision to voluntarily expose ourselves to the very thing that nearly destroyed us, to face the nature of the aspect of life in which we carelessly violated the sanctity of being. With great reluctance and fear, we muster up the courage necessary for this battle. We have grown much stronger since the dragon defeated us, but the dragon has grown stronger, too. But something inside us assures us that we are equipped for this.
So, we go to battle, and where fear and ignorance once dominated our being, courage now reigns supreme, and in the active engagement with our demons, we begin to feel the glory of our quest. We slay the dragon, cutting it open, and from its insides emerges a gift, which is what we lost to the dragon in the defeat of our initial encounter. Only now, the thing we lost has aged into something more beautiful than its original form.
We stand at the peak and give thanks for this rediscovered treasure. And our existence is made more complete. In our original strivings to live fully, we suffered the opposite of our intentions, finding ourselves in Hell with little hope. Still, we now realize the glory we experience in this present moment is possible not in spite of but because of our descent to Hell and our redemptive quest to climb out and rise above our transgressions.
Where we once strove for perfection, we now understand that we had to suffer from the opposite of our intentions for the sake of our completeness. And we see the grace that abounds, the love of those we harmed, and the salvation made possible through our redemption. And in this, we, at long last, experience the glory of God!
